Saturday, May 19, 2012

I'm going to Hell. Fo Shizzle.

Ever get that distinct feeling that you are going to hell?

I sometimes do, like when Ive been a truly horrible person, or stayed out way too late binge drinking on Saturday nights, or after the rare occasions I swore at my dad as a teenager (I still stand by the fact that he deserved every word it, each time).

But this time its different. This time, I can almost bank on the fact that I'm going to hell. Its a safe enough bet, that I can start planning my wardrobe for the occasion, and making like fated friends, so I'll have someone to chat to while I'm there. And binge drink with on a Saturday night.

My trip to hell is so cemented into my future that I can now pretty much do as I please without any fear of the consequences. Not that I was too concerned of the consequences anyway, but you know, its like when your a kid at Christmas time and you've hung out with all the cool kids all year going "Yeah, Santa's a total crock of shit, I SOOO don't believe". Then on Christmas eve you lay in your bed, squeezing your eyes shut as tight as you can, repeating the mantra "I do believe in Santa, I do believe in Santa".

Yes, No holy mantras shall be leaving my lips.

I know what your thinking. You think I have either lost my shit, or my mind.

Let me tell you, I have not lost my mind, but I very nearly did lose my shit!! And in hindsight, or as some might say reflection, I probably should have. But I was probably still worried of consequences then.

After all, abusing the shit out of a priest is not a polite thing to do. And it will probably send you to hell.

But, I have this distinctive feeling, that a priest abusing the living shit out of me, has put me on the highway to hell anyway!

On the bright side, I would rather be polite and send my apologies to the priest for not being able to make a meeting at 7.30pm when The Farmer is away and no one can watch the kids, than be making an apology to DOCS for being the shit parent that left 3 kids home alone for an hour.

Have you had a run in with a priest?

If you want a drink in hell, I'll be the one propping the bar up!

Just so you know, I did try to rectify this situation by speaking to the school, and I almost, briefly toyed with the idea, of going to confession, but concluded I wouldn't be doing myself any good, somehow I don't think "forgive me father for I have sinned, a priest was disgustingly rude to me and spoke to me like shit, and all I could think was, 'I WANT TO RIP HIS F&%*ING HEAD OFF'" was going to rectify my situation.


  1. I'll catch up with you at the bar !!!!!
    I haven't had any run-ins with priests but I have heard stories about priests who don't act in any way like a man of God - sounds like he is obviously one of them. Better off staying with your children than going to a meeting with a priest !!
    Have a great weekend.

    1. I shall save you a seat at the bar :) we can take over the juke box and dance on the table!

  2. definitely stay with your kids...! i used to work for the catholic church and really they're just men, nothing more, nothing special about them, they're just men. and if they're rude to you they don't deserve the time of day, like anyone who's rude.

    ummmm, i'll be there with you too! x


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