Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Just trying to work it out

Do you ever have those days?

You know the one's, where you try like mad to figure out your existance?

I am in groundhog day with one of those days.

Schnorby arrived in my world when I just 19. A precious little bundle she was, and still is. I was thrust into motherhood when I was still needing my mum myself.
Not that I didn't handle it. I must admit I have done a mighty fine job of raising that little girl, 3 years of it alone.

Then I met my husband. And was thrust into the world rapidly of being someone's wife. Which, I must admit, I don't do the greatest job at times. There are only so many days that I can clean the same area's of the same house for wihtout either a) needing a break or  b) going insane! Not to mention how unglamourous you feel after spending the day (and what I'm sure is sometimes weeks) in 'house' clothes.
You kind  please tell me you know the kind those clothes that you wear because you know your day, (or week)
is going to be spent with a bottle of bleach in one hand, and a cloth/scrubbing brush/mop in the other. The kind of clothes, that if you didn't live 35km's out of town, you wouldn't wear in fear of someone deciding to be social and pop in for coffee! 
Yes, those ones. When you have slumming around in THAT all day, you hardly feel good when you get into bed. Your house feels good, but your nostrils are still burning from the fumes! Hence, there is minimal chance of 'action'. I know, I am a bad wife.

Wommy arrived and all was sweet. My little pigeon pair. At the time the farmer was super busy farming, so we didnt see all that much of each other, so we cherished every moment.

Then we moved. To the house that I now despise. It is gorgeous, I will admit. An over 100 year old homestead. High ceilings. Huge yard for the kids. Big rooms. But not enough rooms for us all. And really old, stained terrible carpet. And you can't keep the mice/frogs/meat ants/hairy grubs and mosquitoes out of when they decide they want to come in. It also has put a hinderance on our my  our social life. With kids, everything is so much harder when you have to travel!

After arriving at this house, mousie then arrived. Such a precious little soul, yet nothing like the other 2! Mousie didn't like to sleep. They say she was 'ghosting' from being the surviving twin of an originally multiple birth. She didnt sleep for more than 40 minutes at a time for a year. The first year I was without my family. The first year that I was in a place that wasnt my home town.

Sleep deprivation really is a form of torture.

And, now that she is sleeping, and my day's don't consist of trying to get her to sleep, or getting myself some sleep, and I dont want to clean all day, I am wondering.....

Where am I? Obviously I know where I am, but really where am I? Who am I now?
I became a mum so early in my young life, that I don't know if I ever actually found that out to begin with!

So now here I am... trying my hardest to work it out now?

So, how do you actually work out who you are? How do I work out who I am? Aside from wifey, mummy, and business owner.

Am I funny? I don't know!
Am I adventurous? No idea!
Am I a good friend? Surely so!

Hell, I don't even know what my natural hair colour is these days!!! At the moment is a really nice shade of blonde... under that, no idea! Hope I'm not grey!!!!!

Well... to hell with it. Someone out there must know who I am. I have friends. They must know who I am.
Think I might give them a call....

Rule #1

The farmer tells me I need to write a rule book.

Not just for his benefit, but my own also. He seems to think that I change my mind/view/standpoint far too often.   I tend to change my mind regularly, and my rules have a lot of contributing factors, and a lot of variables.  But seriously, who expects a man to understand that!

So, I have been told that I need a rule book, so he can follow it, and I can be put in my place when a rule isn't actually broken!

Tonight's Rule : Just because I have clothes on the floor, on my side of the bed, near my wardrobe, doesn't mean that they are dirty and need to be put in the wash. It means I have gone to town, and wasted precious time finding an outfit!  Now, when I get home, I will have to waste precious time washing and ironing all the clothes you put in the laundry as, now that they been mixed with your stinky work clothes, they ARE dirty!
Just in general, the rule here is, don't touch my clothes. Please.