Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I can see clearly now

It's getting to that dreaded time of year again for me. The anniversary of my mum's passing.
This time is of year is always a struggle for me, and I spend so much time worrying about the rest of my family. My sisters were young when my mum passed, so this time is always hard for them. It is really brought to light the things that they have missed out on, the greiving they didn't get a chance to do/didn't know how to do because they were so young ( 10 and 14). It always makes me feel so lucky, yet so gulity for all the things that I got to have her around for. Puberty, my graduation, the birth of my 1st child.

It took me a long time to come to terms with her death, even though I spent years watching it slowly happen. I guess, until it happened, somewhere within me I never actually believed that it would.

I have mentioned before that my mum planned her funeral. And I have recently realised what she was trying to tell us by doing so.
I know so many people that are going through a similar thing, and I cant imagine how many that I don't know are going through it also. So I wanted to share this with you. To share her message. To share what has helped me with all the  Why did this happen, and It's so unfair's.

Please, listen to this song. I know we have all heard it, but please REALLY  listen to it.

Listen to the lyrics.

Getting the message??

My mum chose to have this played as she was being carried out to the hearse. And let me tell you now, at that moment, it was the single most horrendous thing ever!

For YEARS I couldn't listen this song. I would break down to a blubbering mess.

Now, after trying to remove myself from the pain, and looking at that moment as the last that I had with her, I realise what she was saying to us.

Passing was the best thing that could have happened to her at that time. She was happy.
The rain had gone, the dark clouds had disappeared.
We needed to make it a bright sun sunny day! And live our lives that way.

While it still hurts to listen to this, and to think about that day, while I still have tears in my eyes now from listening to that song, and feeling the memories, it has also got me past years of grieving.

Through the years of depression, this was there to save me all along, I just needed to look a little deeper rather than just skimming the surface.

Whatever you are going through, remember it's like crossing the road. You must Stop, Look and Listen.

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